I was drowning. Except instead of water, I was submerged in an ocean of my own emotions. They clouded my vision as much as they suffocated my breath. I couldn’t see my way out of the depths. But this is what I was supposed to feel, fresh out of a 12 year relationship, right?
My world had turned upside down and I was on my own for the first time in my life. I had jumped ship without a lifesaver. It also appeared as though I’d forgotten how to swim. Yet if I took a moment, stilled my anxiety and looked up, I might’ve been able to see the worried faces peering down at me. I would’ve seen caring eyes and helpful hands trying to save me.
I’m wading. Well, maybe not wading, that’s too active a verb. I was floating. I followed bits of distraction up to the surface as though they were rays of sunshine glimmering mutely through the dense waters. I drank my way up. I partied up. I worked up. But I never woke up, not really. I was still in a daze with water in my lungs. At least I could breathe again.
Now I’m swimming — with long, strong strides. But don’t be fooled, I’m swimming in circles. The circles get bigger with every plane I board, every friend I see, every family function I attend, but they’re still circles. Yet these circles are clearer. The sting of water is finally washing out of my eyes.
I see land. Solid, fertile land. I’ve traded circles for a straight line to shore. I’m at the movies by myself and I get closer. I’m on a long walk with my puppy and I get closer. I’m at the park meditating and I get closer. I’m almost there. I can see it. It looks wonderful.
My feet touch the ground; my legs immediately wobble. It feels so strange to be on something so solid again after so long lost on emotional wavelengths. But it’s ok. I’m remembering all the things I used to love. My feet get steadier. I start writing again. I paint for the first time. I relish solitude and seek honest relationships.
I’m home. Well, at its doorstep. I look around and everything’s the same but also very different. The colors are more muted here, more vibrant there. There’s a sparkle here where there never was one. And there there’s a bit of rust, but it gives the home some much needed character. Music and laughter sneak out an open window. It’s all so wonderful I hear it, smell it, taste it. I see the wonderful.
It’s incredible feeling how far I’ve come — and yes I mean feeling. It’s been so fun to celebrate my new direction, to revel in all the good things that are in my life instead of staying hung up on the things I think went wrong. And what better way to celebrate these wonderful discoveries than with beautiful jewellery that all say, “I love me,” as much as they say, “I love you.”
The PANDORA Jewellery collection for Autumn 2017 has to be my favorite thus far. With a focus on mixed metals — something I’ve always been a fan of — the line is experimental, playful and whimsical, which mimics my current mindset and style. Stephen Fairchild, PANDORA’s Chief Creative Officer, says, “PANDORA is a celebration of all women and all occasions, no matter how big or small. Beautiful jewellery shouldn’t be reserved for special occasions; wear it wherever you go, however you want. Each piece is special in its own right. Today’s modern woman is more capable of treating herself than ever before. She doesn’t need to wait for someone else to do it. She expresses herself through her style and the different pieces that speak to her soul.”
That’s exactly what I did with my choice pieces:
I was immediately drawn to the Radiant Teardrop, Geometric Radiance and Radiant Hearts charms. I alternated between Silver and PANDORA Rose, placing them on a PANDORA Rose Classic Snake Chain Bracelet and finishing the look with an edgy Shining Elegance Safety Chain. My first set of rose gold jewellery from PANDORA, I felt this mix-and-match style perfectly suited how I was approaching life these days.
My symbol these days thanks to my efforts with The Sad Collective has been the teardrop. I love the idea of reclaiming this representation of sadness in a liberating way. No wonder I instantly fell for the Radiant Teardrop and Teardrop Silhouette rings, both in silver with clear cubic zirconia.
As for the Hearts of PANDORA Hoops in PANDORA Rose, it’s hard not to appreciate a good hoop — especially right now. I couldn’t resist the cut-out heart details either.
Last but not least, the Timeless Elegance Necklace with its silver pendant and clear cubic zirconia. The name truly says it all. I think the idea of seeing all things wonderful has a lot to do with grace as well as a healthy understanding that some things will be as they are supposed to be. That’s what this stunning necklace represents to me.